It’s difficult to really describe the pain of going through a breakup, whether it is a teenage summer fling, a long-term relationship or a divorce. In any of these cases, it is not an enjoyable experience. What’s important to know, however, is that you are not alone in the way you feel right now, and that it does – incredibly – get better.

It doesn’t matter if you are the one doing the breaking up, being broken up with, or if it is mutual – breakups hurt. You will feel sadness, anger, disappointment and many other strong emotions. You will ask yourself questions – did it have to end this way? What did I do wrong? Is there a way to fix things? Usually, especially after a long relationship with someone, you will feel lost. This is all completely normal. After having spent the majority of your time with one person for a number of years, suddenly having that person completely cut from your life is a huge shock. Your future may seem uncertain, and you will feel lonely.

What is important is to let yourself feel these things. Face the issue head on. Grieve. Cry. Be sad, and mad. Think about everything; the good and the bad. Avoiding what you are going through doesn’t work – it just postpones your sadness and prevents you from moving forward. Everyone deals with things differently, but I recommend giving yourself time to comprehend everything. Don’t start going out again until you are ready. You might feel fine at the time, but chances are you will feel worse the next day. Eventually, you are going to have to deal with your feelings.

While the grieving process is crucial, don’t let yourself become consumed by it. After a couple of weeks, you need to start living again. Moving forward can be terrifying, because you might not want to let go of the past. You don’t have to let go in order to move forward, however. Accept that the time you spent with your partner has shaped you as a person and was a big part of your life. Now it is time for you to define yourself without the influence of another. Take this time alone and use it – find yourself again, pick up old hobbies or interests you used to love but may have stopped, or throw yourself into current ones. Avoid contacting your ex if possible, because this will only make it harder for both of you. Stay off social media. This time is about you – it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, or who anyone else is with.

Make sure you connect with friends and family, and talk about your situation. Get those feelings and thoughts off your chest, and listen to the advice of others. This is the time when you should lean on your friends if needed. Let them support and comfort you. Ask them for their honesty – what does it look like from an outside perspective? Good friends will be there for you and won’t judge you.

As you begin trying to move forward, set yourself goals. Give yourself something to look forward to and something to aim for. Is there a new career path you are interested in? Have you always wanted to travel? Was there something you wanted to study? A hobby you never took up? Now is the time to do those things you haven’t done yet. This will give you something to focus on, put your energy into and enjoy. You will meet new people, and learn new things. The world will start to seem more open, and full of possibility. It will take a long time – months, usually – but one day you will look back, appreciate what has been, and appreciate where you are now. Most importantly, remember that you are not alone – there are always people going through what you are going through, and people that have been through it and come out the other side.